• Lies the church tells about sex: When you are content in being single he/she will come along.

    “Oh darling, when you are content in being single that is when he/she will come along”

    How many of have heard this statement? How many of us believe this? I think Christian girls are especially susceptible to this believing this statement. It seems like so many of my single sisters are working so hard at being content and at the same time they are waiting for God to drop Mr Right out of the sky. A lot of my sisters would settle for someone to asking them out on a date.

    See the old chestnut “When you are content in being single He/she will come along” is




    Yes a lie!

    God has wired us to be relational creatures and so there will always be some kind of angst if we are single.  So when we tell the lie “When you are content he/she will come” we are actually denying what the Bible says about us as creatures. We are denying the way God has made us.

    Also, this lie gives the picture that God is up in heaven looking down on the single person waiting and watching their “content gauge” and when they are finally content enough God flips the switch and the next time that single person gets onto a train and sits next to someone, spills a drink on someone, talks to the owner of the cute dog they pat at the park, (insert your favourite romantic comedy cliché here), that person will be “the one”.

    But God doesn’t work like that. The most important thing for God is that we would desire to know him and we love him. So God is orchestrating our lives for that end. Also, God doesn’t say anywhere in the Bible that he gives us good gifts when we are content or deserve them or whatever. No, God is the God who gives generously to those who don’t deserve anything.

    So for now if we are single we have to trust God that he has out best interests at heart.

    These truths are tough to swallow for many of us.

    But tough truths are better than stupid lies which make us feel good.


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  • Guest post: How the Gospel Shapes Me as a Mother to Young Children by Erin Crispin

    Hans’ note: As a basketball player I love Erins blog! On her blog she details the life of a young Christian mum who is married to a pro baller Joe Crispin (who can flat out shoot!). Please check out her great blog www.marriedtoaballer.com and follow her on Twitter

    I remember being a young 24-year-old preparing to have our first child. I had read countless books, visited various websites and was a plethora of information on how to best raise a Christian child. What none of these resources ever told me was that in the process of “raising a child” it was me who would do the most changing.

    I have now been a mother for 7 years and have four children ages 7, 5, 3 and 13 months. Every day is a reminder that although I need to preach the gospel to them, often that preaching is just as much for my own heart as it is for theirs. Whereas I used to think of our teaching and discipline times as opportunities to plant the seed of gospel into their young hearts. Now I see that it serves as a reminder to me of what God has done and is doing for me through the work of Jesus.

    We use a little saying in our family whenever we are speaking of obedience. It is from the definition of obedience in “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” and it goes like this:

    The happy way is to obey without challenge, without excuse and without delay.

    The reasons we added the “happy” part in their is because Jesus did not call us to obey out of duty, but out of finding our delight in His perfect plan for our lives. The obedience comes with a reward. Instead of “happy”, our Bibles often have Jesus using the similar word blessed. The Beatitudes (here quoted from Matthew 5) are usually the most recognizable of Jesus’ sayings where He promises that good will come from obedience to Him:
    “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

    “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

    “Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.

    “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall receive mercy.

    “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.

    “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

    “Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

    “Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.”

    As we read these words, we see that we are motivated to obedience through finding greater delight in God that we do in sin. So when I share the gospel with our children throughout the day, the message is:

    Jesus died so that you can be forgiven of your sin and live in victory over it because you have been given a new heart to now find God as your treasure instead of sin.

    And this is the message I need to be reminded of every moment of the day. Because like the old hymn says:

    Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it
    Prone to leave the God I love;
    Here’s my heart, O take and seal it,
    Seal it for thy courts above.
    “Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing”

    When we believe the truth that God’s way is the happy way, we all obey without challenge, without excuse and without delay. The gospel is the reminder we need consistently to trust that moment by moment.

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  • Lies the world tells about sex: I need to have sex to be truly human

    We live in a world which screams to us about our sexuality. It seems our world says to us over and over that to be human we need to be sexual or at least in a relationship.

    This raises a whole hep of questions:

    What about mother Theresa who died a virgin. Was she somehow not as human because she never had sex?

    What if you have a great life without sex does that mean you are missing out on something?

    What if you have sex that is socially, emotionally and psychologically destructive? Does the way we use sex affect our humanity?

    The Christian story says that we are sexual but we are more than just sexual creatures. It says we have been created in the image of God and to know him defines what it means to be truly human.

    There was a man who lived and walked 2000 years ago and Christians believe that he was the epitome of what it means to be human.

    And he didn’t have sex

    He wasn’t married

    His name was Jesus

    Maybe we need to rethink what it means to be truly human.

    What do you think?

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  • Mohler on homosexuality and the gospel

    One of the clearest thinker of our time is Albert Mohler. In this video he answers a question from Peter Lumpkins about the nature of homosexuality. He says that it is not a choice but it goes far deeper than that. If you would like to read Mohler on Homosexuality read his essay in Sex and the Supremacy of Christ on Homosexual marriage. What do you think of what Mohler said?

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  • Sex and Relationships

    This is Resolved’s video for our upcoming series on Sex and Relationships. Thanks to Matt Davis and Paul Liao for putting this together


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  • Lies the church tells about sex: if you have sex outside of marriage you are damaged goods

    The speaker held the two blocks of wood and she said each of these represent a person. She took out her tube of super glue and she glued them together and she said this is what happens when two people have sex, it is like sex glues them together. She then invited two young men up on stage to rip apart the two blocks of wood. They savagely ripped the wood apart leaving shards of wood everywhere.

    She gazed out over the young crowd and said :

    “this is what happens when you have sex outside of marraige” Sex will cause you to stick to somone and when  that someone leaves you will be ripped apart”

    Then in a hushed tone she whispered

    “If you have sex outside of marriage you will be damaged goods!”

    At this time my friend who was sitting next to me was holding her knees to her chest while rocking back and forth crying because if this lady was right she was damaged goods and she felt like no one wanted damaged goods.

    Once again this thing we say about sex leaves me asking a bunch of questions:

    Why pick on sexual sin as making us damaged goods? Doesn’t all sin make us damaged goods?

    Where does it say in the bible that sex outside of marriage makes us damaged goods?

    Is this the message about sex that  Jesus would have brought to a group of teenagers?

    It is interesting when Jesus walked on this earth he talked to a lot of women who were “damaged goods”. Women who had a past, a background, a life before they met Jesus. Not once did he ever use a phrase like damaged goods. He used words of love and forgiveness, he used words that gave life and asked them to leave their life of sin but he didn’t condemn them.

    Also, when  I read the bible it doesnt even hint that if you have had sex outside of marriage you are “damaged goods”. It rather says things like this

    Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! 2 Corinthians 5:17

    This says that if you trust in Jesus you are not damaged good you are a new creation.

    This is the message of the Bible. That, sure sin does corrupt us and make us filthy to God, but because of Gods grace no one is damaged goods more than anyone else. Sin does corrupt us all but the free gift Gods grace transforms us into a new creation.

    That is the message that God has for all of us.



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  • Lies the church tells about sex: Gay people choose to be Gay

    I remember sitting across from my friend who was in tears. He was gay and he had been living with his partner for 3 months now. Every time I brought up anything to do with Jesus there was this massive amount of hostility and so one day I asked him where did this hostility come from?

    He said that he was a Christian once and he grew up in a Christian family. He also told me that he knew he was gay since he was a kid and one day he plucked up the courage to tell his pastor about his sexuality and his pastor asked

    “Why did you choose to be gay?”

    As you can imagine he didn’t stay long at that church. He went to eleven other churches and every time he brought up his sexuality he was told that he chose his sexuality.

    He said he didn’t choose it. He told them he didn’t want to be gay.

    They told him he obviously did want to be gay that is why he chose it!

    When I hear Christians say that gay people choose their sexuality it raises a whole heap of questions

    Why would a person who is a Christian choose to be something that they know is wrong?

    Why would anyone choose a lifestyle where they know at least one person they love will reject them because of their choice?

    If they chose it so easily why don’t they just choose heterosexuality when the gospel is made clear to them?

    I think when a Christian says that gay people choose to be gay they don’t understand the doctrine of Total Depravity. Total depravity means that sin has corrupted every part of our nature and therefore what we like and dislike, what we find attractive and unattractive will be marred by sin’s stain.

    Total depravity has affected my sexuality when I struggled with pornography.  I didn’t want to be attracted to the images on the screen but I was.

    Total depravity affected my friend by making attracted to other men. He didn’t want to be attracted to other men but he was.

    If we take total depravity seriously we have the theology to say to a person who says they never chose to be gay “I believe you.”

    This may be the first step in sharing about how we are all sinful and need Jesus. Or it may be just the first conversation they have with a Christian who has not tried to correct their experience.

    We all know gay people, we need to learn, as a church, how to speak to them with grace and love.


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  • Guest Post: Fifteen Ways To Get A Single Woman’s Attention by Ally Spotts

    For those of you who don’t know me my name is Ally Spotts and I’m a writer and blogger from Portland, Oregon. I’m single, a committed Christian, and I also happen to write a lot about dating and relationships. If you’ve never been to my site, you can visit me here!

    Last week I wrote a post titled, “Why Christian Women Date Non-Christian Men,” and Hans found it when one of my more dedicated fans [thanks dad] posted a link in the comments of his blog. Before I knew it he was asking me to write a post about what I, as a single woman, am looking for in a man.

    The problem is (I realized, after I agreed) I don’t have a list of things that I’m looking for in a man. I mean, I am looking for some things, I guess – mostly that he is also a committed Christian – but somewhere along the line I realized that the actual or mental lists I was keeping were making me really prone to selfish, unrealistic expectations for what I wanted in a husband. So I ditched it.

    So I’ll give you a different list, instead. It isn’t a checklist, and it isn’t a list of ideas I’ve picked up from romance novels or fantasies from Hollywood. It’s just a list of things I’ve noticed the men I know sometimes do, things that tend to catch my attention.

    Again, it isn’t a checklist. I don’t expect any man to be all of these things all the time. But it is a list of real things that real men have done. I’ve witnessed them. In real life. Not a novel or a romantic movie.

    These are the things that, as a single woman, really get me thinking…

    1. When a man treats all women well, not just the ones he wants to date. The men in my life who are most protective of (and kind toward) me are often men who have no intention of asking me on a date. My brother, for example. My dad. My friends’ husbands. My brother-in-law. And when I see an available man treat his mom or his sister or a close friend with tenderness and care, it is a huge head-turner for me.

    2. When a man’s actions match his words: Some men have really good intentions but not much follow-through; and while this can seem impressive at first, I’m ultimately distrustful of a man like this. I am much more prone to notice a man who is faithful in the little things. He says he’ll call and he does. He shows up on time. He doesn’t commit to things unless he knows he can finish them. If a man is consistent, the littlest things can make the biggest impression.

    3. When a man has a strong work ethic. There is something unbelievably sexy (am I allowed to say that here?) about a man who works hard. It can be physical, mental or emotional labor. It doesn’t matter. A man who has drive and stamina and perseverance toward a particular task is bound to catch my eye (in fact, he might even catch me staring…)

    4. When a man is committed to open and honest communication. I am so impressed when a man is willing to initiate difficult (but necessary) conversations with me and with others around him. Hard conversations are (wait for it…) hard to have but I’m always impressed with a man who is up to the challenge.

    5. When a man asks good questions. A man who asks good questions demonstrates selflessness, compassion and generosity, not to mention a wiliness to connect with those around him. Those qualities are really, really attractive to me.

    6. When a man is good with a grill. Hey – a girl has to eat… right?

    7. When a man is generous with his money. Several months ago I was at a restaurant with a large group of people and a friend of mine excused himself to the restroom, gave his credit card to the waitress, and paid for the meal before any of us even realized what happened. For the rest of the week I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I admired that simple act of kindness.

    8. When a man is generous with his time. Some men don’t have the means to be as financially generous as the man I described above, but that’s okay. I find it equally attractive when I see a man offer his time, sacrificially, for the good of the community. Men I know volunteer their time to lead and inspire youth, help their parents with yard work or other chores, or give up their Saturday to help a friend move. These are all things that make me stop and go, hmmm…

    9. When a man doesn’t flirt with every girl woman who flirts with him. One of the most impressive things in the world to me is watching a man who is selective with his flirtation. This doesn’t mean he never flirts, or that he only flirts with one girl his whole life (flirtation can be a necessary and important part of determining romantic connection) it just means that he doesn’t respond to every beautiful girl who happens to blink her eyes at him. I think that single-mindedness can demonstrate a man’s strength of character, self-confidence and conviction.

    10. When a man has a positive attitude. This is especially true of a man who is faced with difficult circumstances, and still chooses to speak positive words about life, about himself, and about other people. When I see a man who approaches life with grace and gratitude, I definitely stop and take notice.

    11. When a man has a plan: I went on a first date awhile back with a man who planned the whole evening ahead of time (a flexible plan, but solid enough that there weren’t a bunch of decisions for me to make) and I was really surprised by how comforting that was for me. On a broader scale, I’m really impressed by a man who has a 5-year or 10-year plan for his life. Even if his plan never comes to fruition, I’ll do pretty much anything for a man who knows what he is called to do with his life, and knows that he wants to do it with me.

    12. When a man is competitive. I hesitate to include this because not every woman would find this quality attractive, but it is my list, so… what the heck. I love watching men play sports or games, or watching their competitive nature come out in business. I find it attractive when I see a man who doesn’t feel the need to apologize for his masculinity.

    13. When a man carries his Bible: Recently I received some bad news while I was writing in a coffee shop and a friend who was sitting nearby saw my reaction and immediately went to the scripture to offer me some encouragement. I’m not saying a man always has to carry his Bible (that would be weird) I’m just saying that I find it impressive when a situation calls for it, and he has it on hand.

    14. When a man takes responsibility, even if he’s not sure it’s his. I was with a man recently who took the blame for something that may or may not have been his fault, and I felt oddly impacted by that. It was such a small act in retrospect, but the truth was that no one really knew whose fault it was; and I felt oddly comforted knowing that he was willing to take the blame – and the consequences – to protect the rest of the group.

    15. When a man can admit his weaknesses and is willing to work on them. Guys. If you don’t remember any other item from this list, remember this one. In fact, if I had to reduce the list to one item, it would most definitely be this.  None of us are perfect. We all have areas where we need to grow. And there is something profoundly attractive about a man who recognizes this reality, is a little introspective, and is humble enough to admit when he is wrong and keep working toward the man he wants to be.

    Okay, I’m just one woman, and not the authority on the subject. I need some other ladies to jump in. What do you think about my list? Any changes or additions?

    And MEN. Call me selfish but I’m dying to hear from you. How can a girl catch your attention?


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  • Lies the church tells us about sex: That virginity matters

    It seems like  Christians are big on virginity. Sometimes it seems like our biggest goal as Christians is to get over the marriage line with our virginity intact.

    This stance raises a whole heap of questions

    What message does this send to those have lost their virginity already? Are they damaged goods?

    What about the couple who may be technically virgins on their wedding night but have done everything but sex?

    What does the Bible say about virginity?

    When I look at the New Testament the word virginity is about as absent as good music at a Justin Bieber concert. The thing that matters in the New Testament is obedience.

    Paul says:

    Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honour God with your bodies. (1 Corinthians 6:12-20)

    The point is not virginity but the honouring of God with our bodies. This means that wherever we are we are to honour God because of what Christ has done.

    What Paul is saying is that we should pursue gospel shaped obedience.

    That means for the person that has lost their virginity we shouldn’t give them such an asinine title like “born again virgin” but we should be saying “in light of the gospel pursue obedience”

    To the couple that are technically virgins but are doing everything but have sex we can say “your goal is gospel shaped obedience and that means you need to draw line at what you do a long way back.”

    To the person struggling with same sex attraction we say “Pursue gospel shaped obedience”

    To the teenager whose friends are sleeping together we say “Pursue gospel shaped obedience”

    We need to reframe our conversation our conversation should be really about obedience not virginity.

    What are your thoughts?



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  • Book reviews for May.

    Love wins by Rob Bell

    The world doesn’t need another review of this book but here are a few thoughts:

    • Rob Bell is a genius. This comes out in the words he uses, the way he sets out his book and the way he argues. He is one talented guy.
    • He has beautifully compelling turns of phrase. I have been challenged to think about how the words I use can be more compelling, more beautiful.
    • Bell uses scripture poorly, e.g. he used the parable of the prodigal son to argue for a type of universalism (163-193)[1]. He uses Jesus’ words in John 12:32 about dying for all as proof that Jesus died for everyone in a way where everyone is saved (151 ff.) which is clearly not what Jesus is talking about.
    • He keeps saying that many Christians in the last two thousand years have believed that God will ultimately save everyone (109-110). Which is not true, Other than Origen (185-254 AD), the idea that people were going to hell was universally accepted until the enlightenment. For more on this read Universalism: a historical survey by Richard Bauckham
    • Bell started off Mars Hill Bible Church as an evangelical. (check out his first sermon he preached at here) This shows we need to watch our life and doctrine very closely because it only takes one or two shifts in our thinking and we are no longer orthodox.

    As I have said Bell is an amazingly gifted man. One who I can learn a lot from in the area of communication. But he is not a man I will be going to for sound theology and exegesis. Love Wins is an important book to read but it is nowhere near orthodox.

    The Archer and the Arrow by Phillip Jensen and Paul Grimmond

    This is a book which Phillip Jensen packages years of thought, experience and wisdom about preaching into a book. That means there is always stuff we can learn from this book whether you have been preaching for years or you haven’t preached yet. He talks about how to think about preaching, giving us a great illustration (the arrow) on what makes a up a sermon. His advice for young preachers is good and wise. If there was one criticism this would be that I think he downplays the human element in preaching. This book is theological in nature but is not one which will teach you how to preach. But none the less a very good book to read whether you are starting out or have been preaching for years

    [1] Number is parentheses are page numbers


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