1. Get your look together.- If you are a guy you need to look a bit like Brian McFadden. You know the look, clean enough that your girlfriends mum approves but dishevelled enough to let everyone know you are legit. If you are a girl put on so much foundation that your face literally shines and wear clothes that look like you just shopped at Jeans West but make sure you wear a long sleeved t-shirt under that top to make sure you nail that sexy and yet pure look that is in nowadays.
  2. Get your stage presence right. – If you are the worship leader when you are not singing in the fast songs make sure you jump around and yell really thoughtful stuff like “lets get our praise on!” cause you know that what Jesus would have done if he lead worship. On the slow songs make sure you close your eyes and lift one hand to the sky. That’s right stop playing your guitar and lift one hand to heaven(We can’t hear your guitar out the front anyway because the sound guy knows your guitar is only there for show and has silenced it. Why do you think there are seven other guitars on stage?). If you are a backup singer sing off mike alot but when you do this make sure you have your eyes closed for slow songs and for fast songs jump around like you are the second coming of Kriss Kross.[1] Also punch the air to emphasize words because the words are so meaningful and scriptural.
  3. If you are going to write a new song, forget about theology. Who needs it anyway? Theology just divides and anyway didn’t God say somewhere that knowledge puffs up and like you know Christians shouldn’t wanna be puffed up? Just write something really catchy tunes using only G, D Em and C chords (if you want to transpose these chords just use I, V, VI, IV chords of any key).
  4. Remember it is all about having a great time. You are the worship leader, if people go away with smile on their faces you have done your job perfectly. So if that happens give yourself a pat on the back, cause you deserve it. Because in the end it is all about you right?

Disclaimer: This blog was written after watching some bad contemporary worship on YouTube.


[1] If you have never heard of Kriss Kross you need to please take three minutes to bless yourself and listen to their song Jump

 

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